my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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