Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
