best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
