im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Houston, we have a blender
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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