he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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