The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
