I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
