coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
