we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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