That's intense
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
