I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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