Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I got inside last night via doggy door
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
