i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
