I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
