bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
