I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I am one with the molecules
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
