I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
