Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There are leaves in my underwear?
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