if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
