Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
