yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
