how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
