i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think my fart just growled at me.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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