If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
