My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
