I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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