Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
