got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
my poor anus
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
