If i come over, it means nothing
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
