My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
