Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
