When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
