May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
