He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
