dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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