I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
