mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
