Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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