yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you would pick up someone in the library
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
