You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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