I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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