I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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