I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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