i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
