you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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