he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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