he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
