Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
