I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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