Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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