babies were throwing up all over the place
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
