I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
