So drunk its hurt
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
