I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
