It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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