if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
