I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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