If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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